Avoiding the Reciprocity Norm

Sometimes in this world its hard to avoid things. One of the hardest things to avoid appears to be the reciprocity norm. First I will explain briefly what this term means, then I will give an example from real life, and thirdly I will expose the implications that this has on our thinking and actions.

However, this is not an essay, so don’t expect too much.

Basically the reciprocity norm is the expectation, or obligation that is placed on you when someone does you a favour, or gives you a gift. You are obligated to return in kind. I will give an example of what might happen.

A “charity mugger” comes up to you in the street and gives you a small token gift, then proceeds to immediately ask you for money. The premise is that because you have been given something, you feel obligated to return the favour, however small, with a monetary donation to the charity. Note that this obligation is felt no matter what your personal views considering charitable giving, or the specific charity in question.

The obvious way to avoid this is to avoid receiving the gift in the first place.

However, there are some ways in which this is either not possible, or the tactic comes in different forms. For instance, a salesman might spend a long time with you, telling you about the product. You are reluctant to waste his time, so you reciprocate by buying something from him. The answer to this is that you don’t actually need to give him anything. The company that he works for pays him to do this to you.

When someone gives you a gift, of time, a flower, whatever – the fact it is a gift obligates you to return something. I am not suggesting that you break the reciprocity norm, in fact the opposite. By avoiding it you run the risk of cognitive dissonance, and feeling guilty. No! I am merely suggesting that if someone gives you a gift with the intention of getting something out of you, they are acting unethically. Despite this, I would suggest that the best remedy you can give is a heartfelt thanks.

If you feel that you are being manipulated, thank them for what they have done, and get out of there as soon as reasonable. For a gift, if it is truly a gift, deserves a thank you. Some gifts may merit more than that, but that is not the spirit of a true gift.

A true gift will never demand restitution.

By all means, if you feel that the deal is a good one, I am not saying reject it, but if you feel like the walls are closing in and restricting your actions, it may be time to say thank you and goodnight.

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Much has been written on this subject, not all of it good. I thought I would chime in with my tuppence worth. There are three main rules to follow if you comment on this site, which will avoid your comment getting relegated to the spam folder, deleted, or worse, laughed at then one of the above.

Rule 1.

No advertising of sites that are nothing to do with the post. This includes whether you are attempting to get links to viagra, or just trying to get people to your own site. Obviously if you put your own site in the url textbox I am not going to penalise you for that (unless you are advertising the site without posting a valid comment).

Rule 2.

Keep the comment relevant to the topic of the post, or other comments on the post. Any off-topic comments I reserve the right to delete without warning.

Rule 3.

Keep your language clean. I don’t mind disagreements, but if the comment is written in vulgar, inflammatory or otherwise disrespectful, then I WILL delete it. End of story.

Hope this clarifies the commenting policy on this site, and I look forward to receiving more comments.

BTW, and this is directed at you spammers, I run askimet on this site, so your comments won’t ever reach the post, and rest assured that if you do, I will immediately remove them. Why do you waste your time on doing things like this that are pointless anyway?

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I am writing about this, in the hope that I’ll actually do something about it.

Do you suffer from a lack of energy? Is your work and commitments making you feel tired all the time. Well here are some ideas that could potentially revitalise your energy levels, and make you feel like facing the world again.
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Here are my top three tips for getting people to comment on your site. If you think of any others I would be pleased to hear them, and possibly even take your comment on board. Anyway, here they are, even though you must have heard them a million times before, or rather read them. If you can improve on my meager list, I would urge you to do so.

  1. Make it easy for people to post. No one wants to jump through hoops to write a quick comment.
  2. Respond to comments in a personal way. Make your readers feel like they’re part of a community.
  3. Include YOU in your posts so people feel they are reading a real person, which you are… right?

He he, used one of them already. Let me know what you think of the comments system. Anything really, I would like to hear it.

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