Avoiding the Reciprocity Norm
| 26/6/2007 | Posted by Pete under Life Hacks |
Sometimes in this world its hard to avoid things. One of the hardest things to avoid appears to be the reciprocity norm. First I will explain briefly what this term means, then I will give an example from real life, and thirdly I will expose the implications that this has on our thinking and actions.
However, this is not an essay, so don’t expect too much.
Basically the reciprocity norm is the expectation, or obligation that is placed on you when someone does you a favour, or gives you a gift. You are obligated to return in kind. I will give an example of what might happen.
A “charity mugger” comes up to you in the street and gives you a small token gift, then proceeds to immediately ask you for money. The premise is that because you have been given something, you feel obligated to return the favour, however small, with a monetary donation to the charity. Note that this obligation is felt no matter what your personal views considering charitable giving, or the specific charity in question.
The obvious way to avoid this is to avoid receiving the gift in the first place.
However, there are some ways in which this is either not possible, or the tactic comes in different forms. For instance, a salesman might spend a long time with you, telling you about the product. You are reluctant to waste his time, so you reciprocate by buying something from him. The answer to this is that you don’t actually need to give him anything. The company that he works for pays him to do this to you.
When someone gives you a gift, of time, a flower, whatever – the fact it is a gift obligates you to return something. I am not suggesting that you break the reciprocity norm, in fact the opposite. By avoiding it you run the risk of cognitive dissonance, and feeling guilty. No! I am merely suggesting that if someone gives you a gift with the intention of getting something out of you, they are acting unethically. Despite this, I would suggest that the best remedy you can give is a heartfelt thanks.
If you feel that you are being manipulated, thank them for what they have done, and get out of there as soon as reasonable. For a gift, if it is truly a gift, deserves a thank you. Some gifts may merit more than that, but that is not the spirit of a true gift.
A true gift will never demand restitution.
By all means, if you feel that the deal is a good one, I am not saying reject it, but if you feel like the walls are closing in and restricting your actions, it may be time to say thank you and goodnight.
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